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Should I Tell My Boyfriend That I Used to Film Porn?

I used to make porn a few years ago, I got really popular in certain communities (if you watch a lot of porn then you’ve probably seen me lol) but I stopped doing it a year ago because I didn’t enjoy it anymore and I wanted more personal sex, making porn was just acting and it got boring.

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for five months and he’s the only boyfriend I’ve had since quitting porn that I actually love. I don’t know if I should tell him that I used to make porn or not. My stuff is still reposted, I still see it occasionally and I’m worried that hes gonna see it. I either tell him now or I don’t tell him but I risk him finding out anyway. Advice would be really appreciated.

Edit: asking me for the link or my porn name the answer will be no

Full Thread on Reddit

The delicate balance between past experiences and newfound love can indeed be a challenging one to navigate. It’s a journey filled with introspection, vulnerability, and the willingness to openly communicate. Honesty is a vital cornerstone in this process, often paving the way for a deeper and more authentic connection between partners. While your previous experiences and work contribute to the fabric of who you are today, it’s essential to carefully consider the timing and context for sharing such personal history with your partner. This is not just about what you choose to reveal, but also about the manner and environment in which you choose to broach these topics.

Consider initiating these conversations in a comfortable and secure setting, where both you and your partner feel at ease. Expressing that your past is a part of your history and growth, but also assuring your partner that it is a chapter you’ve closed can provide a sense of reassurance. It’s an opportunity to offer insights into your journey while emphasizing the person you’ve become as a result. It’s important to gauge your partner’s comfort level and be receptive to their reactions, ensuring that they feel heard and understood.

Thus, navigating this delicate balance encompasses not only sharing your past experiences but also demonstrating empathy and understanding towards your partner’s emotions and concerns.

Addressing the possibility of him stumbling upon your previous work is a delicate matter that requires careful consideration. Open communication can play a pivotal role in fostering trust within a relationship. By expressing your genuine feelings and communicating your concerns, you can create an environment of transparency and understanding. This approach not only acknowledges the potential impact of his coming across your previous work but also gives him the space to process this information at his own pace. This level of openness and honesty can strengthen the foundation of your relationship, allowing both of you to navigate any challenges that may arise with empathy and mutual respect.

What are the Pros and Cons of Telling My Boyfriend I Used to Film Porn?

Pros of Sharing

  1. Transparency: Opens the door to an honest and open relationship, fostering trust.
  2. Avoids Surprises: Sharing prevents potential shocks if he discovers it independently.
  3. Deeper Connection: Revealing personal experiences can deepen emotional intimacy.

Cons of Sharing

1. Judgment Risk

There’s a chance he might misunderstand or judge, impacting the relationship.

Objection: True connection is built on acceptance and understanding. If he truly cares for you, he may appreciate your honesty and see your past as part of your journey, not defining who you are now.

2. Unwanted Attention

Sharing could unintentionally draw attention to your past, potentially causing discomfort.

Objection: By proactively sharing your past, you regain control over the narrative, reducing the chances of the information coming out in a less controlled or more sensationalized manner.

3. Timing Concerns

Assessing the right moment is crucial to ensure the conversation doesn’t overwhelm.

Objection: Waiting for the “perfect” moment might prolong anxiety. Choosing a calm, private setting and expressing your feelings can create a safe space for a constructive conversation.

How Will My Boyfriend React if I Tell Him I Used to Film Porn?

  1. Positive and Understanding: He expresses understanding, appreciates your honesty, and reassures you of his continued support. This makes the entire situation quite easy for you. All you have to do is acknowledge his understanding and gratitude. Continue open communication, reassuring him that you’ve moved past that phase of your life.
  2. Initial Shock or Discomfort: He might be surprised or uncomfortable initially. This is very okay, so allow him time to process. Reassure him that your past doesn’t define your present, emphasizing the positive changes and personal growth since then.
  3. Inquisitive or Concerned: He may have questions or concerns about your past work. So, you have to be patient and open to discussing any concerns he raises. Provide context and share your reasons for leaving that chapter behind, emphasizing the emotional and personal growth.
  4. Negative Reaction: He may react negatively, expressing disappointment or discomfort. In this case, you have to remain calm and understanding. Give him space if needed, but express your willingness to talk and address any specific concerns. Patience and continued open communication are key.

What if My Boyfriend Wants to Breakup After I tell him I Tell Him I Used to Film Porn?

If he expresses a desire to break up after you share your past, it’s crucial to approach the situation with grace and respect for his feelings. Here’s how to handle such a scenario:

  1. Stay Calm: Maintain your composure and remain calm. It’s a challenging moment, but reacting with composure can help minimize emotional escalation.
  2. Respect His Decision: Respect his feelings and decision to end the relationship. Allow him the space he needs without pushing for an immediate resolution.
  3. Express Understanding: Let him know that you understand and respect his decision. Acknowledge the difficulty of the situation and express gratitude for the time you’ve spent together.
  4. Offer Open Communication: Reassure him that you’re open to further conversation if he wishes to discuss the matter in the future. This leaves the door open for potential understanding and closure.
  5. Seek Support: Reach out to friends or a support network for emotional support. It’s essential to have people around you during challenging times.
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